Unemployment, Night 6

When thunder woke
finally, my living room
windows perfectly framed
its burlap anger, evangelical

The corduroy couch beneath
me, that lonely pilgrim,
knelt amidst the wildling
morning, fragile as

matins On a pathway in a park
called Adulthood, a woolly storm
dangles acorns above the ground
in which they will take root,

huffs to tamp the sound of azaleas
pining for one another,
tears magnificent holes
into the damp fabric of

an august morning In my empty living
room, I wake somehow facing
the window and wait for tendrils
of gold lamé to again point me

toward a fog-laden city My hands
will rebuild each patchwork block, only
stopping when the inevitable silken
evening blots the buildings from view

Early draft of an elegy. Constructive criticism welcomed.

10 Replies to “Unemployment, Night 6”

  1. I enjoyed your poem. I liked the imagery, but I was confused if the person was homeless in a park or just sad in their home. I absolutely loved this part:

    toward a fog-laden city My hands
    will rebuild each patchwork block, only
    stopping when the inevitable silken
    evening blots the buildings from view

    It’s so pretty

    1. That’s a fair interpretation with the title, the park, and the aimlessness. I think I should journal a little more about my intention with this piece and see if I can focus it a little more. Thanks for your insight!

  2. I love your images as always. The theme of cloth throughout the piece was well done: patchwork, corduroy, silk all give this a really nice feel (pun intended). I’m not sure how to read this piece though. I’ve tried reading it out loud several times and can’t quite find the rhythm of it.

    1. I’m not sure what you mean by rhythm. It’s not a metered poem. Do you mean things were wordy or awkwardly phrased? I made a point to make the ends of sentences blend grammatically into the beginnings of the next sentence, trying to blend dreams in with reality.

  3. I felt sort of awash in imagery here, which was not a bad thing. I couldn’t always make sense of the images, but the nature references plus phrases like “evangelical anger” and “tears magnificent holes” gave me the impression that something urgent and fundamental was driving the narrator. Lines that stood out for me: “My hands will rebuild each patchwork block” , “evening blots the buildings from view” (lovely), and “On a pathway in a park
    called Adulthood”. I was puzzled by “burlap anger.” If it were not for the title, I would not have guessed this had anything to do with unemployment (and maybe that was intentional).

  4. I am afraid poetry like this goes far above my head, but I can tell you that you had some nice imagery and turns of phrase such as: On a pathway in a park called Adulthood, silken evening, and damp fabric of an august morning

Tell me about it.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s