Future Flower

here we spin
stationary in our eerie
stations / there is time
to worry when feet are
still

the air burns
wild with after
thought / how will
wind

farms without fruit
mitigate a fraught
past / are we future
flowers or coming
floods

and does Mother push
our blades with pride
or pity / when human engines
near

they pluck our spines
pilfer every song
we dare to hum
decipher every
whisper

<a href=https://yeahwrite.me/weekly-writing-challenge-kickoff-418/><img src=https://yeahwrite.me/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/fiction418.png></a>

Early draft. Constructive criticism welcome.

Published by

innatejames

I am a writer for an e-Learning course vendor near Chicago.

8 thoughts on “Future Flower”

  1. I like the personification of the turbines. The play on stationary and eerie is fun. I like the tone and feel of the piece. My favorite is the line about mitigating a fraught past.

  2. I really liked the rhythm and the flow of this poem. And loved the line “does Mother push
    our blades with pride
    or pity” good question! What Mother Nature must think of us…

  3. I really like this. The imagery is great. The third stanza especially, all of the alliterations makes the imagery even stronger. Oddly enough, it took me a few read-throughs to find it in the other stanza’s (although it is obviously there). Just something about the F’s made it very apparent, while it is more subtle in the rest of the poem. I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing, just an observation.

    1. Thanks for your comment. It helps to know what’s working for you and what aspects of the poem you noticed first. I was trying to obvious with those f sounds because in my mind that’s the sound of the wind.

  4. I liked the wordplay in the first part, with stationary and “stations/ eerie.” Nicely done. And there’s something evocative in your line about wind farms without fruit. I liked this very much.

  5. Hello! I’m not really a poet or poetry reader but wanted to reciprocate! I really like how you personify the windmills and give them an earnest, endlessly working mentality, with rhythms that seem to evoke that, too. By the third verse I wondered how they came to have this self-awareness (just because I found it hard to imagine how they’d imagine floods, as I found it hard to imagine them understanding what feet are). Probably me being obtuse! When you return to the mother (Earth?) and they compare themselves with other engines that drown their own sounds out, I get a sense of them wanting to take over the world, which I think lots of people immediately picture given how much they take over a landscape. It’s a great close. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Thanks for your feedback. It’s helpful for me to know what readers take away in early drafts so I can fix it if that impression is not what I had intended. In this case, it was. 🙂

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