String Bean

like every jock I went to high school with somehow crawled through 20 years of space/time continuum just to slam me up against my own refrigerator



Before Prolixin, I had a brain full of bees. The beekeeper hummed as he collected honey most days, but when the buzzing crescendoed, I barely had time to run to my bare-windowed bedroom before he let the swarm block all the light.

Author Stephen King learns about his relatives’ progressive past

  Finding Your Roots returns this Tuesday night on PBS. I prefer this show over Who Do You Think You Are? Henry Gates, Jr. is a fantastic host: witty, friendly, caring. He makes a point in his research to uncover common themes between two or three different people's family trees. For instance, Tuesday's show is called "In Search …


As soon as Ryan whispered it, I asked for the bathroom. Seventy push-ups later, I came out sweaty and red. "Crohn's," I explained. The racist host handed us our coats. Ryan's other coworkers waved from the couch. "Perfect. Just like we practiced."


To describe Roly-Poly as homeless would conjure up the wrong image of him, I think. You see when I first moved from Ann Arbor, Michigan, to Chicago 12 years ago, homeless people intimidated me. I would throw coins at them just so they would leave me alone. Later, to save money, I adopted a more proactive approach. I …

Drilled Since Diapers

I recently read a blog post judging a dude's dating choices. In it, the author, Charity, explains that this dude gave her female coworker a dozen red roses after a first date. He also offered to fly Coworker to Las Vegas later that same month. Charity opines that Dude's "generosity" is a sure sign that he's a straight-up player, which I concede is likely, …

Crossing Saint Clair

Fingers numb, Sadie ties wolf skins to the pack on the toboggan. The river is finally solid. She's told she's big enough to toddle over ice. She double-checks her knots, picks up the family hen, and steps onto the margin between countries.