Such Risk

a smile from you is at once glory and responsibility     it’s a beautiful razor
threatening to slash history    (every minute with you is such risk)    a glowing
orb that soothes while illuminating a peril without match

your glance sets me on fire     (the color of love is red)     it knocks together the match-
ing decanters of us     still your hand next to mine is a razor
needful but shimmering     playful with danger    we are embers glowing

from the forest floor      we are a resting gun (look around: the threat of loss is glowing
from all those in love)     have you doubted whether your flood and my fire match
too perfectly     how an eon of us fits on the edge of a razor

how we are this razor glowing on my cheek     we are this match burning in my fingers

Early draft of a tritina. Constructive criticism welcome.

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I am a writer for an e-Learning course vendor near Chicago.

2 thoughts on “Such Risk”

  1. I *love* the break of matching across lines – it makes what can be a really strict form feel modern and vibrant. And so much else about this but that is the really standout point. and (love is red) is so good, tying up your ember/love/blood set.

    The only image that’s not really working for me here is the “smoldering razor.” I get what you’re trying to do carrying through the embers metaphor, and needful and razor are a solid pairing, but smoldering feels more cliche and the connection to sharpness doesn’t gel for me.

    1. Thanks for your thoughts, Rowan. Yeah, there are a few word choices throughout I’m not happy with. Smoldering is one of them. I’m currently trying out “shimmering” there.

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