Yesterday, my status on the Ancestry DNA test site switched from “Awaiting Sample Delivery” to “Processing….” The change was exciting but I still have some residual fear about it.
The DNA test is a genealogical tool that details your ethnicity and connects you to other people on Ancestry.com whose genes you share. It can even tell you how closely related you are to others who have taken the test (first cousin vs. sixth, for instance). I’m hoping to confirm some of my research on my great-grandmothers. Ideal case scenario: the test matches me to some living cousins who can verify my great-grandmothers’ maiden names.
I do not consider myself a paranoid person. I’m sensible in most matters that don’t involve Jack Johnson or those gigantic grocery carts shaped like trains that always block off the wine department in the Jewel/Osco, so it’s very against my nature to be suspicious of what laboratories might do with my genetic material after they’ve sent me the promised information. It’s a little embarrassing to admit that’s why I’ve held off taking the test for 5 years.
My apprehension started with mental images of a future version of me confronting my identical twin in the war-torn streets of Tokyo (don’t know why, but it’s always Tokyo). He greets me like we actually did share a womb. He asks how Mom and Dad are. I am dumbfounded until I memory-montage (my brain is very cinematic) that day back in 2015 when I spat into a little plastic cup and naively sent it off to Utah. While I’m memory-montaging, Clone Me takes a step forward. I believe it’s to give me a long-lost-twin-brother hug, but it’s actually so he can take a big ol’ bite of my warm brains.
Did I mention Clone Me is a zombie?
Perhaps I’ve seen too many sci-fi movies involving genetic mutations or 2o/2o episodes where smarmy reporters interview assorted medical industry workers who describe warehouses of removed body parts just waiting to be Frankenstein-ed together. But I recognize the hooey in all of that. Jerry Springer has been testing genetics since the late 80s and nothing more than good television has come from that.
Obviously, since I took the test and am awaiting results, I’ve assuaged my fears. But I wonder if anyone else has felt this way?
For an interesting genealogy story stemming from the results of a similar DNA test, click here.